The following are all quotes from 11-year-olds' science exams:

  "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

  "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

  "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

  "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
  state."

  "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
  gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

  "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

  "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
  expectoration."

  "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

  "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
  instead of the bull."

  "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
  umbrellas."

  "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

  "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
  and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
  something to hitch meat to."

  "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
   two molars, and eight cuspidors."

  "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
  towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
  abhors a vacuum.  I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

  "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
  is."

  "Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects
  on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

  "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

  "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

  "Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away."

  "Planet:  A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

  "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

  "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the
  heart stops."

  "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to
  make artifical perspiration."

  "For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
  the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
  doctor."

  "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
  recovered, then kill it."

  "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

  "To keep milk from turning sour:  Keep it in the cow."