In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.

1. On Sears hairdryer:  "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee,
that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos:  "You could be winner!  No purchase
necessary. Details inside".  (Evidently, the shoplifter
special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:  "Directions:  Use like regular
soap." (And that would be how. . . ?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:  "Serving suggestions:
Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down".        (Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:  "Product will be hot
after heating". (As night follows the day . . . .)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:  "Do not iron clothes on
body". (But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:  "Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could
do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:  "Warning:  May cause drowsiness".
(One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:  "For indoor or
outdoor use only". (As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:  "Not to be used for the
other use".(I gotta admit, I'm curious).

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:  "Warning: Contains nuts".
(NEWS FLASH)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts."  (Step 3:  Fly Delta).

14. On a child's Superman costume:  Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly".   (I don't blame the company I
blame parents for this one).

15. On a Swedish chain saw:  "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals".  (Was there a chance of this
happening somewhere?...Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use
on food." (Hey mom we're out of syryp! ; It's ok honey just

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact
poison control." (Oh please have you ever heard about someone
dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing
before distributing in washing machine."  (Hey no more
swimming in the washing machine kids....Aww you mean we have
to use the swimming pool?)